Catechism - 1) Rejection

So you're offering it to me 'on a plate', eh?
I had wondered, you know. It could be one thing, but we don't have much in common and I'm not exactly 'des res'*, am I?
I couldn't presume, of course, and I was happy to meet anyway; it's an opportunity and they need to be taken sometimes.
And earlier, before I'd got to know you that little bit that I now do and when I was in that frame of mind I think I might well have taken this offer, taken you.
Maybe. You never know until the final moment which way you'll jump.
But now I know you're a nice girl.
You've always been with bastards, you say. You're smart, realsmart, you could've gone to Oxford.
So I'll just say: so what does that tell you about yourself?
And it'll be only what? 2,3 months? For what?
We both know there's no 'connection'. We quite like each other, but that's it.
Nothing will come of it, out of it.
And if I want to spend dead time, as I think, no know, I must: playing pool, watching daytime t.v. then I will. So be it. It's better than spending dead time in you.
There's a little girl in you. I've met her before in various guises.
And one day you'll come face to face with her.
And I don't want to be part of the recriminations, the "Why did I bothers?"
I'd rather be the idiot who didn't, the wanker even (though unlikely), nothing. Than something less than.
It doesn't bother me that I'm not the first, or second, or third or...choice.
I don't want that degree of attention: it would embarrass me.
I hope I'm not patronising but what I might like for you is not appropriate for me to say; the situation's changed.
You've been rejected.



*des res = desirable residence, if you didn't know.